Extravagant Grace: God's Glory Displayed in Our Weakness

After overhearing a friend's high recommendation of the book, I recently picked up a copy of Barbara Duguid's Extravagant Grace. Within the first ten minutes of reading, I was floored by her openness to the reality of her own sinfulness. In the book, Barbara does not feel the need to validate herself. Instead, she spends the entire book explaining how the Gospel is made all the more beautiful because of our inability to achieve a sinless life.

 

Have you ever wondered why there are some sins in your life that you just can't seem to overcome no matter how much you've prayed, tried, confessed, and so forth? I know I have. If God's purpose in sanctification is to make us “better and better” day by day, doesn't it seem like we're miserably failing? Or maybe He's not doing His job well enough? Barbara uses the writings and theology of John Newton to explain how God uses our failures and weaknesses to point to His glory. A few of my favorite quotes from the book:

“Newton argues that this greater goal is the fashioning of humble and contrite hearts in God's chosen people as, through their ongoing weakness and sin, they come to trust in themselves less and less and to trust and delight in Christ more and more.”

“God chose to leave us significantly deformed and imperfect after our conversion because he values something more than our sinlessness.”

“God is capable, when he pleases and for his own purposes, of giving me the grace to stand and resist temptation. But often he chooses instead, for his own good purposes, to show me grace through my falls, humbling me and teaching me my desperate need of him.”

Of brothers and sisters in Christ, who should not be surprised by our sin, we should hear: “'Of course you sinned... Come with me to the throne of grace to celebrate the love of your Savior and to find help in your time of need.'”

"What if being reminded that you don't have to change to win God's favor unleashes such joy and sense of safety in your soul that changing becomes the thing you desire most, simply out of gratitude for such overwhelming acceptance and love?"

"....God seldom frees us from besetting sin before showing us how deeply inability is rooted in our souls. If this work were cooperative, with me and Jesus working together, then at the end of the performance there would be two people on stage taking the bow. However, understanding my inability leads me to a far different posture. I am not on stage next to Jesus, taking a bow. Instead, I am flat on my face in the dust, with my hand on my foolish mouth, worshiping at the feet of my beautiful Savior whose power and grace has rescued me."

The first few chapters of the book explain different maturity levels of believers. I'd never thought of her distinctions and found the comments fascinating. She then spends a few chapters breaking down an understanding of human depravity and where God's grace fits in the bigger picture. She uses many scriptural references to back her points but not in a dry, lifeless way. She pointed me to an immeasurably great and glorious God. Her writings have driven me to my knees in both tears and prayer. I've been given a greater understanding of my own heart so that I may grow in my patience with the sins of others. She finishes the book by giving the “joyful implications of amazing grace,” which include advantages of remaining sin. Yes, you read that right – and I won't give the spoilers here.

 

This book rocked me to my core. It made me consider things in a way I've never given much thought to before. If you've ever struggled with sin, if you've ever been on the suffering side of the sins of others, if you feel dry in your relationship with the Lord, you need to read this book. For that matter, if you have a fervent desire to grow as a believer or even an apathetic attitude towards the Christian life and are ready for a change, read and be blessed.

 

Take care,

Terra

Testing My Relationship With God

For the last 4 or 5 days, my one year old daughter Hannah has been fighting some sort of a cold. She has been incredibly moody and non-compliant. I've been giving her more "slack" because I know she doesn't feel well. She's not eating nearly as much as usual - unless the name of the food consists of "cookie" or "cheerio". She's no dummy. In addition, the cold happened to coincide with her switch from formula to soy milk. She almost always refuses the soy milk and thereby goes thirsty. Oh... and did I mention, I'm pretty sure my toothless child is teething as well. Why am I writing about this on my Titus 2 Blog instead of our family blog? Because it has tested my relationship with the Lord.

For some of you, this may sound a bit confusing. How could Hannah's illness test my relationship with God? In many, many ways, I respond. I'm not delighting in my child, as Scripture instructs. I'm doubting the Lord's goodness. I'm quickly angered and irritated with Hannah's moodiness. I'm wanting peace and a problem-free day over Godward sanctification.

On one hand, I know that "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus," Romans 8:1 (ESV). All of my current sin struggles have already been crucified with Christ. Praise the Lord. On the other hand, "I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing," Romans 7:19 (ESV). May God lead me during this time of growth in Christ.

In Him,
Terra

As White As Snow

Over the last couple of days, in the midst of our 10 inches of snow, I've asked myself the question, "What is the purpose of snow?" That probably sounds like a silly question to most of you, but I'm serious in asking it. When I ask myself, "What is the purpose of rain?" I know at least one good answer is to nourish the vegetation and animals of the earth. But snow seems so pointless. Yeah, it's beautiful - but also a nuisance. So I posed the question to my husband. With no hesitation, he said that every time he sees snow, he thinks of the words of Isaiah:

"...though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool." - (Isaiah 1:18, ESV)

Wow. If every time I saw snow I was reminded of this great truth, how differently I would view it!

Today I had to go to the grocery to pick up a few items. As I was driving home, I noticed how much I had to squint to see the roads. It is a beautiful day today, with an amazing amount of sunshine. There was so much sunshine reflecting off of so much snow that it made it harder to see. Yet even in that moment, as a result of the snow, I thought of another blessing / calling in my life. If I am washed as white as snow (as in the Isaiah verse), I should be brilliantly reflecting the light of Christ! Jesus Christ died and was raised on the third day so that I could have the opportunity to be white as snow, reflecting His glory! Wow!

After thinking snow had no good purpose, today I reflect a bit differently.

In Christ,
Terra

I Chose to Sin

For whatever reason, before bed last night, Hannah Mai decided she was not going to take her full bottle. I cringed as this more than likely meant she would wake up earlier than usual because she was hungry. I told myself, I'll just let her cry herself back to sleep. That always works in theory but then after hearing her cry for a while, it breaks your heart AND you just want to go back to sleep. I was blessed this morning when James volunteered to feed her since he was already up getting ready for work. So where am I going with all of this?

When I woke up and realized she was crying, more than 2 hours before she should be waking for the morning, I got irritated. Or maybe I should even go so far as to say I got angry. It wasn't simply that she was up early, though that was a big factor. Yet it was also because she did not eat as she should have last night. If she was sick or something, I wouldn't have minded so much. Anyway, back to the point, my heart was fuming.

"For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." - Matt 12:34 (ESV)

I don't know that I actually said anything sinful (maybe my husband would remember otherwise). However, I do know that I was thinking many sinful thoughts.

"Why didn't she eat like she should have last night?"
"Can't I just lay here and let her fall back to sleep?"
"All I want to do is get some sleep! Is that so much to ask?"

Anger. Idolatry. What is an idol? Anything that I'm willing to substitute and worship instead of God.

"And the rest of it he makes into a god, his idol, and falls down to it and worships it." - Isaiah 44:17

What was my idol? Sleep. Oh how I struggle in this area! Sleep is a gift from God. It reminds us that we are human and need rest to rejuvinate us. However, like any good gift, we can obsess over it and substitute it for God.

"Love not sleep, lest you come to poverty" - Prov 20:13 (ESV)

"How long will you lie there, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man." - Prov 6:9-11 (ESV)

I chose to sin. Even as I got angry over my disrupted sleep, I knew it was wrong. Yet, I chose to sin. How evil our hearts can truly be! I need to remember that nobody else causes me to sin. The circumstances only bring out what is already in my heart. I praise God for His great forgiveness and new mercies each day! May I draw nearer to Him in my struggles.

In Christ,

Terra

Such a Short Season

Do you ever have days in which you just wished everything you were currently dealing with was over and done with? If you tell me you never have, I’ll ask you if you’re lying. ;)

Seriously though. Maybe you’re a teenage girl and you just don’t understand why your parents won’t let you date yet. “Oh, I can’t wait until I’m older,” you dream. Maybe you’re single and you just can’t wait until you’re married. “Then everything will be perfect,” you assume. Maybe you’re a mother and you can’t wait until your child is walking. “Then things will be easier,” you think. Are you kidding yourself?

During church this week (and by no means for the first time), Hannah Mai and I got to spend our quality time out in the lobby. Yep – during the sermon. This week it was because she had a cold and I did not want to spread it to all the other babies in the nursery. Most other weeks it is simply because she has some serious separation anxiety and I get paged e-v-e-r-y , single week because she won’t stop crying. As I sit in the lobby, nursery or listening room, I struggle with self pity. “All I want to do is listen to an entire sermon”, I tell myself. “Why does she have to be so difficult? Why do I have to deal with this?” Don’t get me wrong, James helps and tries to alternate who sits out with her. But naturally, she is usually more comfortable with mommy.

This past Sunday I think I struggled more than most. Even when I got home, I was angry that I didn’t get to hear any of the message (unless you count the intro!). First off, I know it is ridiculous to be angry that I didn’t get to hear a message at church…contradictory to say the least. Nevertheless, that is how I felt. So I decided to do a quick search on Sovereign Grace’s website and I stumbled across an audio message by Carolyn Mahaney titled In Every Season of Life . It sounded intriguing so I listened to the entire message while straightening up around the house.

Carolyn drove home the point that there is a season for everything. Every season will pass in one form or another. But I’ve heard all that before, why did this particular message touch me? Well, I believe the Holy Spirit wanted to convict me for starters. Then Carolyn used an example – the perfect example for me to hear. She mentioned how she used to get frustrated and irritated when her daughters (she has 3) were babies and she’d have to miss church events. Then, when her youngest daughter was 12, she gave birth to a son. After witnessing how fast her season with her daughters had happened, she grew to cherish every little “inconvenience” and need her son had. God knew this example was so perfect for me at such a perfect time. I was brought to tears as I considered my heart issues. Do I really want my little one to grow up fast so I can hear all the sermons? No way! I need to cherish these moments knowing that this season will one day pass and I don’t want to regret things like this.

I won’t say that I’ll never struggle again with this particular issue or even others that may be similar. However, I do have a bit different perspective now and trust the Lord will continue to grow me in that area.

Praise God for grace and patience!

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” – Ecc. 3:1


My little Santa - doesn't she look like trouble? :)

In Christ,
Terra Santos

A Mother’s Pride

If you are a mother, this blog will likely touch base with you in one way or another. Many moms have developed a really bad habit – of which I’m one of the worst. It begins even before the birth of their child. From the moment we learn we are pregnant, we start comparing our babies to others.

It begins simple.
“I’m feeling my baby kick at only fifteen weeks pregnant.”
“I haven’t had any morning sickness.”
“My labor was only 5 hours long.” *Note: I definitely did not fall into this category with my 18hr labor.

At birth we compare even more.
“My baby weighed 5lbs, 9oz and was 18inches long, how about yours?”
“I breastfeed my baby, you?”
“I think my baby is cuter than hers.”
“My baby started sleeping through the night after only two weeks.”

For those of you that fall into that last category, get on your knees and praise God! My six month old still wakes once or twice a night for a feeding. As a matter of fact, comparing her to my sister’s five month old in this area is what sparked the writing of this blog.

So what is it that causes us to compare like this? Why are we so concerned about what other’s babies are doing? So my daughter isn’t rolling over regularly yet and she should be, why does that bother me?

During these comparisons, I’m sure there are many different issues going on inside the heart. However, I think one of the biggest is pride. I compare my daughter to other babies because I want her to be at the same place or better yet, further. than they are. Hannah Mai started sitting unassisted at five and a half months. I was really excited because most babies don’t sit unassisted until six and a half or seven months. “Wow,” I think. “Hannah Mai is pretty smart.” Then I remember that she’s still barely rolling from back to front and hates being on her stomach. At this rate, she’ll start crawling later than other babies. I could blame it on her torticollis (which the Physical Therapist told me was likely the cause), but there’s something deeper. Why am I coming up with excuses? It’s because I want Hannah to look good compared to other babies. I truly desire other moms to be envious of me and my daughter. How sinful and evil my heart is!

Proverbs 13:18 says “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” When I examine my heart during these times, I need to be convicted by the Holy Spirit. Pride will only lead me to destruction. I cannot grow in my Christian walk if I’m choosing pride over humility. I cannot show the light of Christ if I’m wanting to show the light of “Terra” first. The next time you ask a mother about her child’s milestones or share your own too quickly, examine your motives. Christ calls us to change and repentance. Only by His grace can this be accomplished.

Grace to you,
Terra

My Little Sinner

Over the course of about a week or so, my daughter Hannah has made some great progress in “baby world.” She finally learned how to roll from her back to her belly because she was tempted with a bottle. She is also sitting up on her own. Those are two huge accomplishments for a baby. In addition to those two, she’s become aware of my desire to get her out of scary or harmful situations. Last night she managed to roll onto her side and get her leg caught in the crib slats. This morning she rolled onto her belly and got her arm caught. Needless to say, the ear piercing screams from the nursery alerted yours truly that Hannah was in trouble. I went and “saved” her from these situations. (note: this crib problem has since been remedied)

With all of these exciting accomplishments, she’s learned another new trick – how to throw a tantrum. When most people think of tantrums, they probably picture 2 or 3 year olds kicking and screaming when they don’t get something they want. Well, Hannah is only 5 ½ months old, and she fulfilled half of that today. She was trying to play with a plastic bag. Because of obvious suffocation hazards, I would let her play with it until it went anywhere near her mouth. (note: before you flip out, know that I was sitting right beside her, supervising the whole shindig) As a 5 ½ month old child will inevitably do, she continually tried to put the bag in her mouth. After about three attempts, I took the bag away from her. What immediately followed from my supposed sweet little daughter was a shrill that could probably be heard down the street! She was furious with me and she was going to let me know it. I sat her in my lap and more or less had the following conversation with her:

“Hannah, I understand you want to play with the plastic bag. However, I cannot let you have the plastic bag because you could harm yourself. I know you don’t understand that but I love you and I want to protect you from harm.”

Why would I have such a conversation with a 5 ½ month old child? I’m not crazy, I know she doesn’t understand what I’m saying yet. But you have to start somewhere, right? It’s not like you wake up one day and say, “Okay, today my child will understand anything I say about everything.” No. I believe it is good for me to start now.

Often in my previous blogs, when Hannah has done something out of the ordinary, I blame it on an alien abduction. For example, when she was switched from breast milk to formula and she went from crying all the time to being happy. :) No, I don’t believe in aliens. It is just a way I have of joking about the situations. But there is a real reason for Hannah’s tantrum today. It’s called sin. Romans 3:22-23 says, “…for there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…” Furthermore, 1 John 1:8 says, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” In today’s society, many people do not like to talk about sin. Yet as a person who attempts to submit to the Bible and not to society, I acknowledge this as truth. My precious, sweet, cute, little baby girl is a s-i-n-n-e-r, sinner. It is my God-given responsibility as a parent to lead her to her only Savior, Jesus Christ. Wow. What a task! By the grace of God alone will I succeed in that endeavor.

What an insightful moment Hannah created for me today to reflect on the human nature to sin and on God’s saving grace to forgive! I pray over the next 18+ years that I will (Lord-willingly) have, of direct influence in Hannah’s life. There will be many more moments for the two of us to grow in sanctification.

In Christ,
Terra Santos