Saturday, December 28, 2013

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand

I sit in a bit of disbelief right now.  It's Christmas Day 2013*.  For the most part, it's been a good day.  We've had fun with the kids this morning opening gifts, lazing around the house, enjoying one another's company and we'll be enjoying good food for dinner tonight.  And yet, a piece of my heart is broken.  I'm quite certain I've just experienced another miscarriage.
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
When I finished nursing Daniel, I waited in anticipation to see what the Lord may or may not bring in terms of our family size.  My first cycle was a bit later than usual but eventually it came and went.  The next time I was expectant, it was seven days late.  That is very atypical for me and my regular 28 day rhythm.  However, I assumed my body was still adjusting, post-nursing.  Now, nine days later, for other physical reasons I will not detail, I believe I was indeed pregnant.
When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
Having suffered this loss before (see here and here), I'm reminded - yet again - that I am NOT in control of either my fertility or even my ability to carry a child full term.  My heart is sad, my spirit wanes, and as is usual, I wonder "why?" 
His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.
This Christmas day, I dwell on the Christ-child.  A baby... yes... as a baby He came.  My last miscarriage happened the day after Easter 2008.  And now Christmas.  And yet, by His grace, I'm able to view all of life from those vantage points.  His birth, death and resurrection make all suffering part of a bigger picture - His picture.
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
Until that final day...
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.**

Take care,

*This post was written 3 days before it was posted, hence the date discrepancy.
**Lyrics from "The Solid Rock" by Edward Mote, c.1834, copyright Public Domain.