Hello world! Just wanted to let you all know that we're still alive and well here in Louisville. Considering I'm usually the only one that updates this....it hasn't been updated recently because of fatigue. Many of you remember that I was struggling with constant fatigue for a while. All of my tests were normal and it actually seemed to subside a bit, by God's grace. Then I got pregnant. ;) hehe But I won't complain.
All that to say, I've been incredibly tired lately and the internet has taken the hit. I've also been a bit slower in responding to emails. I still love you... I may just need a phone call versus an email for a quick response. ;)
And I haven't forgotten my Shepherding Series (for those of you following it). Again...it's just been a motivation thing. If you message me and let me know you're just dying to have the next chapter summarized and reviewed, maybe you'll move me. ;)
I have no complaints here though. Overall, I've felt really good so far. A couple of nauseous moments but nothing demanding. It's really just my energy level for now. Then again, I didn't even start getting sick when I was pregnant with Hannah until I was 12 weeks along - so I'm not holding my breath. I'm only 6 weeks now.
We're debating baby names for now. We've still got our boy's name (since Hannah was a girl): Benjamin James. But we're not agreeing on any girls names yet. We'll keep you posted.
Take care!
Terra
Showing posts with label Shepherding a Child's Heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shepherding a Child's Heart. Show all posts
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Chapter 17: Childhood: Training Procedures
Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart.
For those of you unfamiliar with this post, I've been working through the book Shepherding a Child's Heart by Dr. Tedd Tripp on my other site. Now that I'm combining the sites, I'm bringing the weekly post to this blog. After much delay, I'm now posting chapter 17. I pray it's a blessing.
Dr. Tripp begins the chapter in the familiar scene of two children fighting over the same toy. He then mentions how all families have a response to the argument but most of these responses will not produce lasting fruit because they do not address the heart. This brings us into a section dealing with focusing on behavior versus addressing the heart.
Tripp reminds us of the principles in chapters 8-10. We can't leave a situation only dealing with the "when" and "what". We must deal with the "why" for this deals with the heart. Tripp uses an analogy that resonates with our family. We struggle with weeds in our yard. It seems as it there is a giant magnetic force that pulls them into our yard! For a while, we only addressed the weeds by mowing them down. Yet this does not solve the problem. They will only come back. We must kill the root to kill the weed. Tripp compares a behavioral response to our children to mowing over weeds.
First, Tripp suggests we appeal to our children's conscience. His model for this is the ministry of Jesus. On numerous occasions, Jesus appeals to the conscience of the sinner. Tripp mentions Luke 10, Matt. 18:21, and Luke 7 to name a few. By appealing to the conscience, we deal with the heart. According to Romans 2:14-15, our consciences either excuse or accuse us. When our children have seen and acknowledged their sin, we must point them to Christ, the only Savior.
Next, Tripp explains the need to develop character in our children. He says, "Character could be defined as living consistently with who God is and who I am." We must teach our children the attributes and personality of God as holy, righteous, forgiving, etc. while we remind them of their personal sinfulness and inability to do good apart from Christ. Please don't read that wrongly. We're not beating our children down. We are to encourage them in that they are children of God, created for His glory, etc. but if they begin to think they are good apart from God, they become smug and legalistic. Tripp gives examples of dependability and moral purity.
To end, we are reminded to interpret the character issues. We are then encouraged to have a long-term vision in our children's needs for shepherding. Remember, these procedures are specific to school-aged children, though some may be applicable to other ages.
In Christ,
Terra
For those of you unfamiliar with this post, I've been working through the book Shepherding a Child's Heart by Dr. Tedd Tripp on my other site. Now that I'm combining the sites, I'm bringing the weekly post to this blog. After much delay, I'm now posting chapter 17. I pray it's a blessing.
Dr. Tripp begins the chapter in the familiar scene of two children fighting over the same toy. He then mentions how all families have a response to the argument but most of these responses will not produce lasting fruit because they do not address the heart. This brings us into a section dealing with focusing on behavior versus addressing the heart.
Tripp reminds us of the principles in chapters 8-10. We can't leave a situation only dealing with the "when" and "what". We must deal with the "why" for this deals with the heart. Tripp uses an analogy that resonates with our family. We struggle with weeds in our yard. It seems as it there is a giant magnetic force that pulls them into our yard! For a while, we only addressed the weeds by mowing them down. Yet this does not solve the problem. They will only come back. We must kill the root to kill the weed. Tripp compares a behavioral response to our children to mowing over weeds.
First, Tripp suggests we appeal to our children's conscience. His model for this is the ministry of Jesus. On numerous occasions, Jesus appeals to the conscience of the sinner. Tripp mentions Luke 10, Matt. 18:21, and Luke 7 to name a few. By appealing to the conscience, we deal with the heart. According to Romans 2:14-15, our consciences either excuse or accuse us. When our children have seen and acknowledged their sin, we must point them to Christ, the only Savior.
Next, Tripp explains the need to develop character in our children. He says, "Character could be defined as living consistently with who God is and who I am." We must teach our children the attributes and personality of God as holy, righteous, forgiving, etc. while we remind them of their personal sinfulness and inability to do good apart from Christ. Please don't read that wrongly. We're not beating our children down. We are to encourage them in that they are children of God, created for His glory, etc. but if they begin to think they are good apart from God, they become smug and legalistic. Tripp gives examples of dependability and moral purity.
To end, we are reminded to interpret the character issues. We are then encouraged to have a long-term vision in our children's needs for shepherding. Remember, these procedures are specific to school-aged children, though some may be applicable to other ages.
In Christ,
Terra
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Chapter 16: Childhood: Training Objectives
Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart.
Dr. Tripp begins by explaining what he means by "childhood." He uses this word to describe the middle period of a child's life, roughly ages 5 to 12. While up to this age, we may have taught our children to obey our authority, there are now going to be more times when the child will be physically away from us and will begin to develop a growing independence. How do we build on the foundation we've begun? According to Tripp, the big issue is character. He says this is the time when our children need to learn "dependability, honesty, kindness, consideration, helpfulness, diligence, loyalty" and so forth. It is during these years that the child's conscience must develop.
I found it interesting that Tripp pointed out a difference between defiant behavior and simply wrong behavior. If a child is being selfish, he is not necessarily being disobedient or disrespectful toward the parent, but it is wrong none-the-less. This is why we have to address the child's character. Tripp says, "If you never address character, you will never get beyond bare obedience." Making more rules is not the answer. If your child actually follows all of them, he's likely to become smug and self-righteous like the Pharisees anyway. So where does this leave a parent?
Tripp reminds us we'll be looking at the "how-to's" in the next chapter. In this one, he explained his "three-pronged tool of diagnosis." It is as follows:
Dr. Tripp begins by explaining what he means by "childhood." He uses this word to describe the middle period of a child's life, roughly ages 5 to 12. While up to this age, we may have taught our children to obey our authority, there are now going to be more times when the child will be physically away from us and will begin to develop a growing independence. How do we build on the foundation we've begun? According to Tripp, the big issue is character. He says this is the time when our children need to learn "dependability, honesty, kindness, consideration, helpfulness, diligence, loyalty" and so forth. It is during these years that the child's conscience must develop.
I found it interesting that Tripp pointed out a difference between defiant behavior and simply wrong behavior. If a child is being selfish, he is not necessarily being disobedient or disrespectful toward the parent, but it is wrong none-the-less. This is why we have to address the child's character. Tripp says, "If you never address character, you will never get beyond bare obedience." Making more rules is not the answer. If your child actually follows all of them, he's likely to become smug and self-righteous like the Pharisees anyway. So where does this leave a parent?
Tripp reminds us we'll be looking at the "how-to's" in the next chapter. In this one, he explained his "three-pronged tool of diagnosis." It is as follows:
- The Child in a Relationship to God. This is not a question of "is your child a Christian." Instead, we asks questions that help us know about his "understanding of the nature of God's grace and salvation through faith in Christ."
- The Child in Relationship to Himself. How does he child view and understand himself? We need to understand our children so we can shepherd them appropriately.
- The Child in Relationship to Others. How does the child interact with those around him?
Tripp suggests we perform this diagnosis every six months or so which children this age. Let's acknowledge their strengths and see how we can help them grow in their weaknesses.
A fairly short chapter, but one in which there were many new concepts for me to grasp. I look forward to next week's "how to's."
In Christ,
Terra
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Chapter 15 - Infancy to Childhood: Training Procedures
Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart - on Sunday. ;)
Dr. Tripp begins the chapter by reminding us of the Circle of Safety from the last. He then jumps right into specifics. In chapter 11, we discussed the use of the rod (a spanking). Now, particularly with this age group, is the time to administer what we learned. Tripp gets a bit more practical in this chapter.
He starts with the "when" of spanking. When does a child need a spanking? Tripp says this is easy to discern - any time the child has heard and understood a command and he chooses to disobey. As tempting as it can be, we cannot let inconvenience lead us to inconsistency. Tripp says our children must understand that "when you speak for the first time, you have spoken for the last time." There should not be repeated warnings, pleadings, etc. We need to consistently discipline after the first offense.
He then deals with the "how" of spanking. He gives eight detailed "rules" that provide a form of discipline that preserves the child's dignity (pgs 150-153). I've shortened them as follows:
Dr. Tripp begins the chapter by reminding us of the Circle of Safety from the last. He then jumps right into specifics. In chapter 11, we discussed the use of the rod (a spanking). Now, particularly with this age group, is the time to administer what we learned. Tripp gets a bit more practical in this chapter.
He starts with the "when" of spanking. When does a child need a spanking? Tripp says this is easy to discern - any time the child has heard and understood a command and he chooses to disobey. As tempting as it can be, we cannot let inconvenience lead us to inconsistency. Tripp says our children must understand that "when you speak for the first time, you have spoken for the last time." There should not be repeated warnings, pleadings, etc. We need to consistently discipline after the first offense.
He then deals with the "how" of spanking. He gives eight detailed "rules" that provide a form of discipline that preserves the child's dignity (pgs 150-153). I've shortened them as follows:
- Take your child to a private place where he can be spoken to in private. Your goal is not to humiliate him.
- Tell him specifically what he has done or failed to do.
- Secure an acknowledgement from the child of what he has done. This step may take a while.
- Remind him that the function of the spanking is not venting your frustration or because you are angry, but to restore him to the place in which God has promised blessing.
- Tell the child how many swats he will receive. This shows you are in control of yourself.
- Remove his drawers so that the spanking is not lost in the padding of his pants (this should be done only immediately before and then replaced immediately after the spanking). Lay the child across your lap so the spanking is done in the context of your physical relationship.
- After you have spanked, take the child up on your lap and hug him, telling him how much you love him, how much it grieves you to spank him and how you hope that it will not happen again.
- Pray with him and encourage him in Christ.
Next, Tripp addresses the "why" of spanking. Simply because God has commanded it (we talked about this in great detail in chapter 11).
I really enjoyed his list of frequently asked questions. The first, I asked myself on many occasions.
- When is my child old enough? Whenever the child understands and willingly disobeys. His example was of an 8 month old that obeyed a command when the parent was in the room but then disobeyed when he saw the parent was gone.
- What if my child says, "But I didn't hear you?" He suggests having a conversation with the child and explaining clearly to them that when you are speaking, he should perk up his ears to hear you over all other noise.
- Some say, "If I follow your counsel, all I'll do is spank." Tripp reminds those if they are consistent in discipline, the children will find a child quickly responding and the need for discipline decreasing.
- What if I'm too mad? We are told to excuse ourselves and seek the Lord. Only after we have repented of our anger, may we discipline our children. If we've disciplined out of anger, we are to seek forgiveness from our children.
- What if we're not home? Tripp says we may have to let certain things pass when our children are very young because they do not have a long enough memory to discipline later. On balance, most of our training should be done at home so it should be taken care of on those occasions. We need to use careful judgment when using physical discipline with our children in public.
- What if I know my child is lying to me? After seeking an honest response with our child, to no avail, we should move into a general discussion of the importance of integrity. Tripp says we should never call our children liars as it disheartens them and hurts the relationship.
- What if I'm not sure what happened? If we are not sure, we should not discipline. He reminds us there will be plenty of times when we are sure and we should not lose our credibility by disciplining our children when they may not have sinned.
- What if nothing works? Tripp says we are either not being consistent or not waiting long enough for the fruit of the Lord. We have to be obedient to God's command, even if it does not seem to be working.
- What if it is too late? We are told that it is never too late - though it will be harder to "re-lay the foundation under the completed house." If our children are old enough and we have not disciplined them correctly, He suggests we do the following:
- Sit down with our children and explain our new insights.
Tell them what we've done wrong.Seek their forgiveness for our failures as a parent.Give them specific direction about what changes you think are
needed in their behavior, attitudes and so forth.Determine how you will respond to disobedience in the future and
be sure they understand.As much as we are able, live a biblically consistent
life.Be prepared to be patient. Pray. Wait on God. Study the
Scriptures together.
In the end, Tripp reminds us that our focus must be on what it means for us to honor God in our family, not how to get our kids in line. He says getting our kids in line is a by-product of honoring God.
If you've never felt the weight of parenting, how about now? :) But it's encouraging to know what the Lord expects of us and seek our best to serve Him well.
In Christ,
Terra
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Chapter 14: Infancy to Childhood: Training Objectives
Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart.
I must admit, I'm excited to be tackling the age group that my daughter falls into - both this week and next. This chapter deals with training objectives whereas the next chapter will deal with training procedures. That being said, let's get started!
Tripp begins by defining this age group as birth to age 4 or 5. He says the primary characteristic of this period is Change. Children this age are changing rapidly physically, socially, intellectually, and spiritually. With all of these changes, what should be our primary focus? According to Dr. Tripp, the big lesson is for the child to understand "he is an individual under authority." This is not the type of authority the parent hangs over his child's head. It's purpose is for the child to learn he is made by God and has a responsibility to obey God in all things. Tripp says the key passage for this age is Ephesians 6:1-3:
Why are our children instructed to obey us as parents? Because God has called them to. When they obey us, they are obeying a clear command from the Lord. On a side note, our children are called to obey us "in the Lord." They are not required to obey their parents when the instruction given is asking them to sin. In such a situation, they are to obey what they know to be true of God's word first.
Tripp has a diagram he calls the "Circle of Safety." According to Eph. 6:1-3, he draws a circle of blessing around a child. Within that circle are the commands to honor and obey. As a result, the fruit: go well and long life. When our children honor and obey us, they are in a place of protection and safety, which may lead to long life. For example, if we tell our child not to run into the road, and he disobeys us, it could literally cost him his life. But if he obeys, he is in a place of safety. Tripp then reminds us that the function of the rod and communication is to rescue our children and keep them within the Circle of Safety.
Back to the "honoring" part of the verse. A child will honor his parent's as a result of either a parent teaching him to do so or a parent being honorable in his conduct and demeanor. Our children must speak to us in a manner of respect, not as to a peer. Tripp gives several examples of gentle yet firm ways to teach our children. One example he used was this: "I am sorry, dear, but you may not speak to me in that way. God has made me your mother and has said that you must treat me with honor. Now, let's see if there is a respectful way you can express what you wish to say." It's a mouthful but it's clear, biblical and firm. Dr. Tripp reminds us to start early with our children or we will regret the lack of teaching when they are teenagers.
So what exactly is obedience? Tripp defines it as the "willing submission of one person to the authority of another." Yet, it is not a child just doing what he is told. He should be doing it "without challenge, without excuse, without delay." I've also heard this as "all the way, right away, with a happy heart." If any of these three are not happening, they are still choosing to disobey and should be disciplined accordingly. Remember, it's not for your sake - it's for theirs - that it will go well and they will enjoy long life.
Tripp then goes on to discuss consistency. I have personally noted this as THE failure in most parent's disciplining (including myself). More than once I've heard, "But my child won't listen to me," or "discipline does not work with my child." Most of the time you can thank yourself for this. When we fail to be consistent, we fail to teach our children to obey. More often than not, I fail to be consistent because of laziness. Sometimes it's easier in the moment to ignore a whining child than to discipline her. However, being inconsistent, I'm only teaching her to disobey.
Next, Tripp describes the process of appeal. Appeal is a safety check for both the parents and the child. It keeps the parent from being harsh or hasty and the child knows they have permission to appeal (in a godly manner) to the command. Tripp gives four guidelines in making a biblical appeal.
I must admit, I'm excited to be tackling the age group that my daughter falls into - both this week and next. This chapter deals with training objectives whereas the next chapter will deal with training procedures. That being said, let's get started!
Tripp begins by defining this age group as birth to age 4 or 5. He says the primary characteristic of this period is Change. Children this age are changing rapidly physically, socially, intellectually, and spiritually. With all of these changes, what should be our primary focus? According to Dr. Tripp, the big lesson is for the child to understand "he is an individual under authority." This is not the type of authority the parent hangs over his child's head. It's purpose is for the child to learn he is made by God and has a responsibility to obey God in all things. Tripp says the key passage for this age is Ephesians 6:1-3:
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise),' that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land."
Why are our children instructed to obey us as parents? Because God has called them to. When they obey us, they are obeying a clear command from the Lord. On a side note, our children are called to obey us "in the Lord." They are not required to obey their parents when the instruction given is asking them to sin. In such a situation, they are to obey what they know to be true of God's word first.
Tripp has a diagram he calls the "Circle of Safety." According to Eph. 6:1-3, he draws a circle of blessing around a child. Within that circle are the commands to honor and obey. As a result, the fruit: go well and long life. When our children honor and obey us, they are in a place of protection and safety, which may lead to long life. For example, if we tell our child not to run into the road, and he disobeys us, it could literally cost him his life. But if he obeys, he is in a place of safety. Tripp then reminds us that the function of the rod and communication is to rescue our children and keep them within the Circle of Safety.
Back to the "honoring" part of the verse. A child will honor his parent's as a result of either a parent teaching him to do so or a parent being honorable in his conduct and demeanor. Our children must speak to us in a manner of respect, not as to a peer. Tripp gives several examples of gentle yet firm ways to teach our children. One example he used was this: "I am sorry, dear, but you may not speak to me in that way. God has made me your mother and has said that you must treat me with honor. Now, let's see if there is a respectful way you can express what you wish to say." It's a mouthful but it's clear, biblical and firm. Dr. Tripp reminds us to start early with our children or we will regret the lack of teaching when they are teenagers.
So what exactly is obedience? Tripp defines it as the "willing submission of one person to the authority of another." Yet, it is not a child just doing what he is told. He should be doing it "without challenge, without excuse, without delay." I've also heard this as "all the way, right away, with a happy heart." If any of these three are not happening, they are still choosing to disobey and should be disciplined accordingly. Remember, it's not for your sake - it's for theirs - that it will go well and they will enjoy long life.
Tripp then goes on to discuss consistency. I have personally noted this as THE failure in most parent's disciplining (including myself). More than once I've heard, "But my child won't listen to me," or "discipline does not work with my child." Most of the time you can thank yourself for this. When we fail to be consistent, we fail to teach our children to obey. More often than not, I fail to be consistent because of laziness. Sometimes it's easier in the moment to ignore a whining child than to discipline her. However, being inconsistent, I'm only teaching her to disobey.
Next, Tripp describes the process of appeal. Appeal is a safety check for both the parents and the child. It keeps the parent from being harsh or hasty and the child knows they have permission to appeal (in a godly manner) to the command. Tripp gives four guidelines in making a biblical appeal.
- You begin to obey immediately, not after appeal.
- You must be prepared to obey either way.
- You must appeal in a respectful manner.
- You must accept the result of the appeal with a gracious spirit.
If these guidelines are followed, the child can appeal and the parent can choose to change his command. But done in this way, the appeal shows respect and not blatant rebellion. We should be careful to model submission to our children as well. Whether as a wife to her husband, an employee to an employer, etc., our children should see us "practice what we preach."
When our children naturally want to do something other than what we we've commanded them to do, we have the opportunity to point them to Christ. We can teach them about our selfish hearts and the way we will live apart from God's grace. As Tripp says, "only the power of the gospel can give a willing heart and the strength to obey." Let's start while our children are young. If they are older and we've already failed, let's repent, ask them for forgiveness, and work to rebuild the foundation we wrongly began. After all, God has promised us grace.
A lot of good stuff to chew on. Until next week...
In Christ,
Terra
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Chapters 12 & 13: Combined because of length
Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart.
Chapter 12: Embracing Biblical Methods: Appeal to the Conscience
Our correction and discipline must find its mark in the conscience of our children, says Tripp. God gives us all a conscience to make decisions with. In addition to the book of Proverbs justifying the use of the rod, it also entreats us to appeal to the conscience (ex. Pro. 23:17,19,22,23,26). The rod has limitations and gets attention, the conscience must be plowed up and planted with God's truth.
Twice in Matthew 21, Jesus Himself appeals to the consciences of the Pharisees. As Tripp notes, there is a pattern. "Christ appeals to their conscience so they cannot escape the implications of their sin. Thus, He deals with the root problems, not just the surface issues." When we appeal to the consciences of our children, we're teaching them to identify their own sins. While this is beneficial even while they are young, it will be even more so as they age and begin to make more of their own judgment calls.
Dr. Tripp reminds us that the cross of Christ must be the central focus of our childrearing. We are to be helping our children understand themselves as sinners. We need to then remind them of the mercy of God and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for their sin. We should be holding them to the same standard God holds them to, so they see they need grace of God to achieve such. Otherwise, they depend on their own resources, which in turn moves them away from the cross.
-----------
Chapter 13: Shepherding the Heart Summarized
Thought I would like to post the details about this chapter, it is basically a summary of the first 12 chapters. I fear my comments would be too close to plagiarism because of it's nice, short list. To read the summary for yourself, refer to pages 126-127 of the book.
I'm looking forward to the next section of this book: Shepherding Through the Stages of Childhood. Dr. Tripp will walk us through ages and stages, tackling specific issues dealing with each. Stay tuned for next week!
In Christ,
Terra
Chapter 12: Embracing Biblical Methods: Appeal to the Conscience
"They (the Gentiles) show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them..." - Romans 2:15
Our correction and discipline must find its mark in the conscience of our children, says Tripp. God gives us all a conscience to make decisions with. In addition to the book of Proverbs justifying the use of the rod, it also entreats us to appeal to the conscience (ex. Pro. 23:17,19,22,23,26). The rod has limitations and gets attention, the conscience must be plowed up and planted with God's truth.
Twice in Matthew 21, Jesus Himself appeals to the consciences of the Pharisees. As Tripp notes, there is a pattern. "Christ appeals to their conscience so they cannot escape the implications of their sin. Thus, He deals with the root problems, not just the surface issues." When we appeal to the consciences of our children, we're teaching them to identify their own sins. While this is beneficial even while they are young, it will be even more so as they age and begin to make more of their own judgment calls.
Dr. Tripp reminds us that the cross of Christ must be the central focus of our childrearing. We are to be helping our children understand themselves as sinners. We need to then remind them of the mercy of God and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for their sin. We should be holding them to the same standard God holds them to, so they see they need grace of God to achieve such. Otherwise, they depend on their own resources, which in turn moves them away from the cross.
-----------
Chapter 13: Shepherding the Heart Summarized
Thought I would like to post the details about this chapter, it is basically a summary of the first 12 chapters. I fear my comments would be too close to plagiarism because of it's nice, short list. To read the summary for yourself, refer to pages 126-127 of the book.
I'm looking forward to the next section of this book: Shepherding Through the Stages of Childhood. Dr. Tripp will walk us through ages and stages, tackling specific issues dealing with each. Stay tuned for next week!
In Christ,
Terra
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Chapter 11: Embracing Biblical Methods: The Rod
Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart.
Before I even begin this chapter, considering the topic, I know some of my readers might pull up their "wall of defense" and prepare for battle. Please know that we're simply evaluating Scripture and seeking to understand what it means regarding our childrearing. I have no evil intentions and will do my best to correctly communicate the author's points.
So why do children need the rod in the first place and why are we having this discussion? Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick..." Children are not born morally and ethically neutral. Tripp said it well, the "child's problem is not an information deficit. His problem is that he is a sinner." Where does the rod come into play? I've already listed one verse in the opening of this blog (Prov. 22:15). In addition, Proverbs 29:15 says, "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." When the rod is properly administered, the child is rendered compliant and ready to receive life-giving words. I love Hebrews 12:11 dealing with this topic, "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."
Tripp goes on to clearly explain what the rod is. He says it is a "parent, in faith toward God and faithfulness toward his or her children, undertaking the responsibility of careful, timely measured and controlled us of physical punishment to underscore the importance of obeying god, thus rescuing the child from continuing in his foolishness until death." He breaks it down further into six parts. The rod is reserved for the parent alone. It is an act of faith in that while the parent doesn't perfectly understand how it works, God has commanded it. It is an act of faithfulness toward the child. There are many times where we do not want to spank our children. However, being true to God, we must be faithful to our children. The rod is a responsibility of the parent. The parent is either choosing to obey or disobey God's command on the matter. The rod is physical punishment - but not in any of the ways I will list in the next paragraph. It is always "careful, timely, measured and controlled." Lastly, the rod is a rescue mission. When a child disobeys his parent, he disobeys the Lord (because He has called for parental obedience). The child is disciplined ultimately because he has disobeyed the Lord, not the parent. He needs to be rescued from the sin that leads to death.
Now in all of this talk about the rod, what are we not talking about? We are not talking about allowing child abuse. A parent does not have the right to an unbridled temper. Tripp says that he will discuss this more fully later in the book. The rod should not be associated with anger. A parent being mad at a child will not correct the problem. The opposite, a spanking done with love (and communicated in such a way), will lead the child towards a repentant heart. As parents, we do not have the right to hit out children whenever we wish. The rod should only be used in the context of correction and discipline. The rod should not be used to vent frustration. The rod is not used to exact retribution. It is not payment due but simply a means to administer discipline in a biblical way.
There are many common objections to the rod. I'll mention them each but comment only briefly for the sake of space.
"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him." - Prov 22:15 (ESV)
Before I even begin this chapter, considering the topic, I know some of my readers might pull up their "wall of defense" and prepare for battle. Please know that we're simply evaluating Scripture and seeking to understand what it means regarding our childrearing. I have no evil intentions and will do my best to correctly communicate the author's points.
So why do children need the rod in the first place and why are we having this discussion? Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick..." Children are not born morally and ethically neutral. Tripp said it well, the "child's problem is not an information deficit. His problem is that he is a sinner." Where does the rod come into play? I've already listed one verse in the opening of this blog (Prov. 22:15). In addition, Proverbs 29:15 says, "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." When the rod is properly administered, the child is rendered compliant and ready to receive life-giving words. I love Hebrews 12:11 dealing with this topic, "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."
Tripp goes on to clearly explain what the rod is. He says it is a "parent, in faith toward God and faithfulness toward his or her children, undertaking the responsibility of careful, timely measured and controlled us of physical punishment to underscore the importance of obeying god, thus rescuing the child from continuing in his foolishness until death." He breaks it down further into six parts. The rod is reserved for the parent alone. It is an act of faith in that while the parent doesn't perfectly understand how it works, God has commanded it. It is an act of faithfulness toward the child. There are many times where we do not want to spank our children. However, being true to God, we must be faithful to our children. The rod is a responsibility of the parent. The parent is either choosing to obey or disobey God's command on the matter. The rod is physical punishment - but not in any of the ways I will list in the next paragraph. It is always "careful, timely, measured and controlled." Lastly, the rod is a rescue mission. When a child disobeys his parent, he disobeys the Lord (because He has called for parental obedience). The child is disciplined ultimately because he has disobeyed the Lord, not the parent. He needs to be rescued from the sin that leads to death.
Now in all of this talk about the rod, what are we not talking about? We are not talking about allowing child abuse. A parent does not have the right to an unbridled temper. Tripp says that he will discuss this more fully later in the book. The rod should not be associated with anger. A parent being mad at a child will not correct the problem. The opposite, a spanking done with love (and communicated in such a way), will lead the child towards a repentant heart. As parents, we do not have the right to hit out children whenever we wish. The rod should only be used in the context of correction and discipline. The rod should not be used to vent frustration. The rod is not used to exact retribution. It is not payment due but simply a means to administer discipline in a biblical way.
There are many common objections to the rod. I'll mention them each but comment only briefly for the sake of space.
- Objection #1: I love my children too much to spank them. Is it hard to spank our children? Most of the time, yes. Yet who benefits from the lack of a spanking? Not the child, because they are not being disciplined as the Lord has commanded. Yet it is the parent who is being spared the feeling of discomfort or agony over the spanking. "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." -
Prov 13:24 (ESV). This verse suggests the opposite of the objection. - Objection #2: I'm afraid I will hurt him. There IS a such of thing as child abuse, let's not be mistaken. If we are mindful of our own hearts when the spanking is administered, this should not be an issue. Proverbs 23:13-14 says, "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from [death]."
- Objection #3: I'm afraid it will make him rebellious and angry. Proverbs 29:17 says, "Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart." The disciplined child (when done properly) is a child at peace.
- Objection #4: It doesn't work. There are four possible reasons here. First, there is an inconsistent use of the rod and the child never knows what to expect. Second, the parents fail to persist long enough to get the expected response. Third, the spanking is ineffective because it inflicts zero pain. For example, a double layer of diaper will not respond to a spanking. Lastly, if it is administered in anger, the child will see their parent as a bully and not a giver of justice.
- Objection #5: I'm afraid of being arrested for child abuse. There is validity to this concern. Tripp suggests that a spanking always be given at home. He says it's ultimately a question of faith. Will I obey God with risks attached?
Tripp closes by discussing the fruit of the Rod. He says "the rod teaches outcomes to behavior." When we are consistent, our children learn there are inevitable outcomes to certain behavior. God has built a principle of sowing and reaping. The rod also shows God's authority over Mom and Dad. One reason children have a problem with authority is because it is not modeled well in our culture. The rod demonstrates parental love and commitment - he is engaged and involved. As Hebrews 12:11 says, the rod yields a harvest of peace and righteousness. The rod returns the child to the place of blessing and not that he would continue to live a lust-driven life. It promotes and atmosphere of closeness and openness between the parent and child.
Tripp point out that we cannot focus exclusively on either the rod or communication (as discussed in the past). They are designed to work together and should always function in such a way. He goes on to state that the primacy of both the rod and communication will vary depending on the child's age, which will be discussed in future chapters.
Wow! What an incredibly detailed and insightful chapter! I pray it is an encouragement to you this week!
In Christ,
Terra
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Chapter 10 - Embracing Biblical Methods: A Life of Communication
Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart.
Living a lifestyle of communication requires effort. Tedd Tripp had an excellent example about communication being a lifestyle and not just an event. He discusses how parents fail when we only talk with our children when something is wrong. We should be communicating with them (about God especially) at all times. As listed in Deuteronomy 6, we should communicate while lying down, waking, rising, walking, sitting, and so on.
Tripp reminds us that "honest, thorough, truly biblical communication is expensive." Good opportunities to communicate with our children will not always be at opportune times. They may be struggling with an issue and want to talk while you're cooking dinner or getting ready for bed. Tripp says we must be ready to seize these opportunities when they most naturally arise. In addition to timing, the physical and spiritual energy necessary to communicate well with our children can sometimes be overwhelming. He says parents may miss opportunities because of exhaustion. As parents, we must have the mental stamina to keep our thoughts focused. In one paragraph (5th paragraph, pg 95), Tripp lists a great list of Christian dynamics we need to model for our children.
Yet in addition to being costly, biblical communication yields great blessings. Tripp analyzes the costs versus benefits. For starters, this type of communication is what "cements" a parent and child together in terms of relationship. Tripp goes on to give an excellent model of what he calls the "Authority / Influence Continuum." I will not post it here for copyright constraints but I'll explain it a bit. On the left, vertical axis of the chart, there is "authority" at the top and "influence" at the bottom. On the horizontal axis, is the age of a child from 0 to 18. Initially, (at birth), the authority of the parent is at it's peak and the influence is at it's lowest point. As the child ages, the authority decreases steadily as the influence increases. In the end, (age 18), influence has peaked and authority is at it's lowest point. Basically, Tripp is graphically depicting that as the child is younger, the parent still has things such as strength, speed, size, etc. on his side. He has complete authority (in this sense of the word) over the child. Yet as the child ages and gets bigger, stronger, etc., the parent's authority will not have as great of an effect as does his influence. This is why we need to be growing in our communication and building the type of a relationship the child will respond to. Tripp says that "influence represents the willingness of a child to place himself under authority because of trust." When our children trust us, our words will have weight.
Our children need communication skills for every facet of their lives. From future interaction with peers, employers, employees, spouses, etc., these skills are necessary. Tripp calls communication "the art of expressing in godly ways what is in my heart and of hearing completely and understanding what another thinks and feels." Don't we want our children to be able to do that? What a better place to teach our children the art of communication than home? The more we communicate with our children, the more we are helping them to understand themselves and the world around them. We are giving them a biblical understanding of life. Then, once they are on their own, they can respond in biblical ways themselves.
Tripp closes the chapter by reinforcing the cost versus benefit scheme. Biblical communication with our children will take time, energy, effort and most of all, sacrifice. We must regard parenting as one of our most important tasks while our children are at home. There will be many things (even good ones) that we'll have to set aside during this time in order to be the parents we are called to be. Yet in the end, the fruit we bear (with God's help) will be beyond the joy of those shorter-term desires. May God lead us and forbear with us during this season of our lives.
In Christ,
Terra
Living a lifestyle of communication requires effort. Tedd Tripp had an excellent example about communication being a lifestyle and not just an event. He discusses how parents fail when we only talk with our children when something is wrong. We should be communicating with them (about God especially) at all times. As listed in Deuteronomy 6, we should communicate while lying down, waking, rising, walking, sitting, and so on.
Tripp reminds us that "honest, thorough, truly biblical communication is expensive." Good opportunities to communicate with our children will not always be at opportune times. They may be struggling with an issue and want to talk while you're cooking dinner or getting ready for bed. Tripp says we must be ready to seize these opportunities when they most naturally arise. In addition to timing, the physical and spiritual energy necessary to communicate well with our children can sometimes be overwhelming. He says parents may miss opportunities because of exhaustion. As parents, we must have the mental stamina to keep our thoughts focused. In one paragraph (5th paragraph, pg 95), Tripp lists a great list of Christian dynamics we need to model for our children.
Yet in addition to being costly, biblical communication yields great blessings. Tripp analyzes the costs versus benefits. For starters, this type of communication is what "cements" a parent and child together in terms of relationship. Tripp goes on to give an excellent model of what he calls the "Authority / Influence Continuum." I will not post it here for copyright constraints but I'll explain it a bit. On the left, vertical axis of the chart, there is "authority" at the top and "influence" at the bottom. On the horizontal axis, is the age of a child from 0 to 18. Initially, (at birth), the authority of the parent is at it's peak and the influence is at it's lowest point. As the child ages, the authority decreases steadily as the influence increases. In the end, (age 18), influence has peaked and authority is at it's lowest point. Basically, Tripp is graphically depicting that as the child is younger, the parent still has things such as strength, speed, size, etc. on his side. He has complete authority (in this sense of the word) over the child. Yet as the child ages and gets bigger, stronger, etc., the parent's authority will not have as great of an effect as does his influence. This is why we need to be growing in our communication and building the type of a relationship the child will respond to. Tripp says that "influence represents the willingness of a child to place himself under authority because of trust." When our children trust us, our words will have weight.
Our children need communication skills for every facet of their lives. From future interaction with peers, employers, employees, spouses, etc., these skills are necessary. Tripp calls communication "the art of expressing in godly ways what is in my heart and of hearing completely and understanding what another thinks and feels." Don't we want our children to be able to do that? What a better place to teach our children the art of communication than home? The more we communicate with our children, the more we are helping them to understand themselves and the world around them. We are giving them a biblical understanding of life. Then, once they are on their own, they can respond in biblical ways themselves.
Tripp closes the chapter by reinforcing the cost versus benefit scheme. Biblical communication with our children will take time, energy, effort and most of all, sacrifice. We must regard parenting as one of our most important tasks while our children are at home. There will be many things (even good ones) that we'll have to set aside during this time in order to be the parents we are called to be. Yet in the end, the fruit we bear (with God's help) will be beyond the joy of those shorter-term desires. May God lead us and forbear with us during this season of our lives.
In Christ,
Terra
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Chapter 9 - Embracing Biblical Methods: Types of Communication
Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart
Thank you for your patience with me and my "mini-vacation." It was not really a vacation in the sense that I was taking time for myself. However, we've had lots of family and friends here over the last two weeks and I just needed a little extra time. Thank you! And now on to chapter 9!
Rules. Correction. Discipline. The big three. That's how many of us view parenting, and in that order, says Tedd Tripp. The children are given rules. When they break them, they are disciplined. That's all there is to it, right? Tripp says there must be more beneath the surface. Our communication needs to be much richer than those surface level three. We need to discern what type of communication would be most appropriate for each situation. Beneath the big three, should be the following 8:
1. Encouragement. A child may have done something wrong, but already acknowledges what he did was wrong. This would not be a good time for rebuke. Instead, it would be a good time for encouragement towards Christ. This type of communication is designed to inspire and fill our children with hope and courage.
2. Correction. This one is pretty obvious. When a child needs to be brought into conformity with a given standard, he needs to be lovingly corrected.
3. Rebuke. If the parent wants to communicate something more sternly because of the seriousness of the behavior, rebuke is in order. For example, if the child is cursing a sibling, she needs to be told clearly and with evident alarm that "It is wrong for her to speak in such a way and she should never do so again." Rebuke is usually followed by other forms of communication.
4. Entreaty. Communicating in a way that is earnest and intense is usually necessary only periodically. We should urge or solicit our children to follow God's teaching in areas such as sexual sins. This is done in a pleading sort of way. It is not wrong to plead with our children over such topics. However, you want to be careful not to use entreaty for the everyday issues (eg. Pleeeeeeaaase stop hitting your sister).
5. Instruction. This is the process of providing a lesson, precept or information to help your child understand the world around him. Our children are not born fully equipped with information about our world. They are learning it every day and it is our job to give them the framework to do so.
6. Warning. We should faithfully alert our children to real dangers in their lives, both physical and spiritual. Warning perseveres. We should teach our children the warnings of the Bible. We should show them that A-leads-to-B. These warnings will prepare our children to listen to warnings of their own as they mature.
7. Teaching. We must actively impart knowledge about all sorts of things to our children. We should draw upon Scripture and help our children understand themselves, others, life, God, etc.
8. Prayer. Though not a direct form of communication with our children, prayer helps us have insight into their lives. It also allows our children to learn how to pray and to communicate with God themselves.
All of these different forms of communication can be interwoven with one another. Tripp agrees the list is not exhaustive. Yet it still provides a great framework and reminds us there is much more to communicating with our children than rules, correction and discipline.
In Christ,
Terra
Thank you for your patience with me and my "mini-vacation." It was not really a vacation in the sense that I was taking time for myself. However, we've had lots of family and friends here over the last two weeks and I just needed a little extra time. Thank you! And now on to chapter 9!
Rules. Correction. Discipline. The big three. That's how many of us view parenting, and in that order, says Tedd Tripp. The children are given rules. When they break them, they are disciplined. That's all there is to it, right? Tripp says there must be more beneath the surface. Our communication needs to be much richer than those surface level three. We need to discern what type of communication would be most appropriate for each situation. Beneath the big three, should be the following 8:
1. Encouragement. A child may have done something wrong, but already acknowledges what he did was wrong. This would not be a good time for rebuke. Instead, it would be a good time for encouragement towards Christ. This type of communication is designed to inspire and fill our children with hope and courage.
2. Correction. This one is pretty obvious. When a child needs to be brought into conformity with a given standard, he needs to be lovingly corrected.
3. Rebuke. If the parent wants to communicate something more sternly because of the seriousness of the behavior, rebuke is in order. For example, if the child is cursing a sibling, she needs to be told clearly and with evident alarm that "It is wrong for her to speak in such a way and she should never do so again." Rebuke is usually followed by other forms of communication.
4. Entreaty. Communicating in a way that is earnest and intense is usually necessary only periodically. We should urge or solicit our children to follow God's teaching in areas such as sexual sins. This is done in a pleading sort of way. It is not wrong to plead with our children over such topics. However, you want to be careful not to use entreaty for the everyday issues (eg. Pleeeeeeaaase stop hitting your sister).
5. Instruction. This is the process of providing a lesson, precept or information to help your child understand the world around him. Our children are not born fully equipped with information about our world. They are learning it every day and it is our job to give them the framework to do so.
6. Warning. We should faithfully alert our children to real dangers in their lives, both physical and spiritual. Warning perseveres. We should teach our children the warnings of the Bible. We should show them that A-leads-to-B. These warnings will prepare our children to listen to warnings of their own as they mature.
7. Teaching. We must actively impart knowledge about all sorts of things to our children. We should draw upon Scripture and help our children understand themselves, others, life, God, etc.
8. Prayer. Though not a direct form of communication with our children, prayer helps us have insight into their lives. It also allows our children to learn how to pray and to communicate with God themselves.
All of these different forms of communication can be interwoven with one another. Tripp agrees the list is not exhaustive. Yet it still provides a great framework and reminds us there is much more to communicating with our children than rules, correction and discipline.
In Christ,
Terra
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Chapter 8 - Embracing Biblical Methods: Communication
Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart
Last week we discussed discarding unbiblical methods of childrearing. For the next five weeks, we'll be discussing what biblical methods we should be embracing. Today, we'll focus on communication.
Dr. Tedd Tripp begins by explaining the biblical approach is the weaving together of two elements: rich, full communication and the rod. He mentions Proverbs 23:13-26 and how these methods are listed side by side. We will discuss communication through chapter 10 and then the rod in chapter 11.
"Communication is not a monologue. It is dialogue." Great statement by Tripp. How many times do we find ourselves as parents, talking to our children and not with our children? Communication is not a one-way street. It involves the ability to listen. He goes on to say "the finest are of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts. It is learning how to draw out the thoughts of another." I have to brag on my husband hear. He does an amazing job of drawing me out (or at least attempting to). Maybe it's the counselor in him. Will we do that with our child? Will we remember it is a two-way street and we need to understand her?
Tripp says that we must focus on understanding our children and what is going on in their hearts. He gives a great example about a child who is struggling with peer pressure because of his "dweeby" tennis shoes. For the sake of space, I won't repeat the example. He follows by giving two different responses. In the second response, the parent is trying to understand the child. Tripp gives three communication objectives.
Lastly, Tripp walks us through a common scenario. "Junior" hits his sister. When asked why, he says "I don't know." Can he really not know? Well, the answer appears to be yes. He may not yet understand what is going on in his heart. This is why we, as Christian parents, need to help him understand. We should probe his heart. A few (of the 6) questions Tripp suggests:
Last week we discussed discarding unbiblical methods of childrearing. For the next five weeks, we'll be discussing what biblical methods we should be embracing. Today, we'll focus on communication.
Dr. Tedd Tripp begins by explaining the biblical approach is the weaving together of two elements: rich, full communication and the rod. He mentions Proverbs 23:13-26 and how these methods are listed side by side. We will discuss communication through chapter 10 and then the rod in chapter 11.
"Communication is not a monologue. It is dialogue." Great statement by Tripp. How many times do we find ourselves as parents, talking to our children and not with our children? Communication is not a one-way street. It involves the ability to listen. He goes on to say "the finest are of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts. It is learning how to draw out the thoughts of another." I have to brag on my husband hear. He does an amazing job of drawing me out (or at least attempting to). Maybe it's the counselor in him. Will we do that with our child? Will we remember it is a two-way street and we need to understand her?
Tripp says that we must focus on understanding our children and what is going on in their hearts. He gives a great example about a child who is struggling with peer pressure because of his "dweeby" tennis shoes. For the sake of space, I won't repeat the example. He follows by giving two different responses. In the second response, the parent is trying to understand the child. Tripp gives three communication objectives.
- The behavior you see is a reflection of the abundance of your child's heart.
- You want to understand the specific content of the abundance of his heart.
- The internal issues of the heart are of greater import than the specifics of behavior, since they drive behavior.
Lastly, Tripp walks us through a common scenario. "Junior" hits his sister. When asked why, he says "I don't know." Can he really not know? Well, the answer appears to be yes. He may not yet understand what is going on in his heart. This is why we, as Christian parents, need to help him understand. We should probe his heart. A few (of the 6) questions Tripp suggests:
- "What were you feeling when you hit your sister?"
- "Help me understand how hitting her seemed to make things better."
- "In what other ways could you have responded?"
We are to walk Junior through the nature of his temptation, the possible responses and his own sinful responses.
How are you drawing out your child's heart today? Are you talking significantly more than you are listening? May God lead us all in our efforts to glorify Him through childrearing.
In Christ,
Terra
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Chapter 7 - Discarding Unbiblical Methods
Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart (on Sunday)
Thank you for your patience with my delay in posting! My what a week this has been! But anyway - Happy Mother's Day to all of you mothers out there (particularly my mom and mother-in-law of course). :) And now, onto our chapter for the week.
This chapter opened up with an outlandish, yet true, story. After the perpetual whines of her daughter in the airport, a mother told her child, "I am sick of you. I hate you. Go away. Find someone else to yell at. I don't want you. I can't stand you. Get out of my sight." Wow! I absolutely cannot imagine such a situation. Though knowing my sinful heart, I cannot say it's something I would not do, apart from Christ.
Why did Tedd Tripp open his chapter this way? Because it is an extremely obvious unbiblical method of discipline. Yet some people would say that what this mother did was successful. After all - the little girl stopped whining and started pleading with her mom with "I'm sorry's." As Tripp words it, "the cure was worse than the disease."
There are many different types of unbiblical methods as well as unbiblical sources. For example, there is no shortage of books, magazines and programs regarding childrearing. The "experts" include various parents, talk show hosts, Dr. 'So and So,' etc. What do they all have in common? The human mind is the standard, not God's word. Tripp lists six different unbiblical methods, which I will list and comment briefly on.
#1: I didn't turn out so bad. Often, parents will do exactly what their parents did (rightly or wrongly), because "they didn't turn out so bad." And if they turned out okay, it should be fine for their children also. The problem is that this parent has not even evaluated the training method in light of God's standard. He has not assessed whether it even had a good impact on him. This doesn't mean that our parents did it wrong. It simply means that we need to evaluate all of our methods against God's word.
#2: Pop Psychology. On a personal note, this one drives me nuts. Whatever is the most "popular" method of the day and age is the right one - according to this line of thinking. There are many current pop methods but Tripp commented on bribery. Some "Dr.'s" suggest bribing your children for everything. This is how you get them to do what you want. This should be an obvious superficial method. The child is taught only to look out for himself and not others. The line of thinking, "I'll do what you want me to do if you give me what I want."
#3: Behavior Modification. We've spent a great deal of time discussing this in past posts. In short: good behavior=reward, bad behavior=punishment/ignored. As Tripp says, it's not wrong to praise our children for doing what is right, yet they should not be rewarded for fulfilling normal responsibilities. If we change a child's behavior and never reach his heart, we've accomplish nothing biblical.
#4: Emotionalism. This is what the lady in the opening illustration was using. She appealed to her child's fear of being alone in a strange place. Tripp even comments on the "kinder" use of this method. For example, when we as parents say, "It really makes me feel bad when you talk like that. You are hurting my feelings." Sometimes, we may even shame our child into behavior. Maybe we say, "You're letting down your father and hurting his reputation by acting such a way." When we use this method, we're training our children to respond to fear of emotional privation.
#5: Punitive Correction. This is when the threat of punishment is the regular and only way a parent controls his child. The child learns to be afraid or pay the consequences. Tripp reminds us that he is "not decrying a biblical use of the rod, but rather and impulsive response of angry frustration." It surprised me to find "grounding" listed here. Don't most parents ground? What could be wrong with that? The main thing is that issues of the heart are never addressed. Sure, the child may not call his sister a 'such-and-such' again but his heart hasn't changed any. He may still mumble it under his breath. Tripp believes that grounding is so consistently used universally because it's "quick, incisive, simple." For example: "You're grounded for a month. Go to your room." Wow. I never thought about it in these ways.
#6: Erratic Eclecticism. Erratic in that it constantly moves and always changes. Eclectic in that it draws from pieces of a variety of methods. Some ideas were taken from a t.v. show, some from a program, some from the church, some from their parents. This method leaves children confused and unsure of expectations. Now they are really lost.
In evaluating these methods, Tripp once again brings us back to "shepherding a child's heart." We need to reach the sins behind the behavior. If a young boy slaps his sister when she takes his toy, what should we deal with? The slap alone? Of course not. His selfish heart and anger should be addressed. But he's not the only culprit. The sister needs to be addressed for her selfishness as well. We need to get to the root of the behavior. Once the root is addressed (and corrected), the behavior will follow. We have to remember to point our children to Christ. These every day struggles are our most natural avenues to show them who God is, who they are, and why they need Christ.
Wow. I feel like I've written way too much. What are some unbiblical methods you've noticed in your own childrearing? As the mother of a toddler, I can lean towards behavior modification and punitive correction. But even at such a young age, my daughter needs to be hearing the truths of the gospel in preparation for the day she will finally understand them.
In Christ,
Terra
Thank you for your patience with my delay in posting! My what a week this has been! But anyway - Happy Mother's Day to all of you mothers out there (particularly my mom and mother-in-law of course). :) And now, onto our chapter for the week.
This chapter opened up with an outlandish, yet true, story. After the perpetual whines of her daughter in the airport, a mother told her child, "I am sick of you. I hate you. Go away. Find someone else to yell at. I don't want you. I can't stand you. Get out of my sight." Wow! I absolutely cannot imagine such a situation. Though knowing my sinful heart, I cannot say it's something I would not do, apart from Christ.
Why did Tedd Tripp open his chapter this way? Because it is an extremely obvious unbiblical method of discipline. Yet some people would say that what this mother did was successful. After all - the little girl stopped whining and started pleading with her mom with "I'm sorry's." As Tripp words it, "the cure was worse than the disease."
There are many different types of unbiblical methods as well as unbiblical sources. For example, there is no shortage of books, magazines and programs regarding childrearing. The "experts" include various parents, talk show hosts, Dr. 'So and So,' etc. What do they all have in common? The human mind is the standard, not God's word. Tripp lists six different unbiblical methods, which I will list and comment briefly on.
#1: I didn't turn out so bad. Often, parents will do exactly what their parents did (rightly or wrongly), because "they didn't turn out so bad." And if they turned out okay, it should be fine for their children also. The problem is that this parent has not even evaluated the training method in light of God's standard. He has not assessed whether it even had a good impact on him. This doesn't mean that our parents did it wrong. It simply means that we need to evaluate all of our methods against God's word.
#2: Pop Psychology. On a personal note, this one drives me nuts. Whatever is the most "popular" method of the day and age is the right one - according to this line of thinking. There are many current pop methods but Tripp commented on bribery. Some "Dr.'s" suggest bribing your children for everything. This is how you get them to do what you want. This should be an obvious superficial method. The child is taught only to look out for himself and not others. The line of thinking, "I'll do what you want me to do if you give me what I want."
#3: Behavior Modification. We've spent a great deal of time discussing this in past posts. In short: good behavior=reward, bad behavior=punishment/ignored. As Tripp says, it's not wrong to praise our children for doing what is right, yet they should not be rewarded for fulfilling normal responsibilities. If we change a child's behavior and never reach his heart, we've accomplish nothing biblical.
#4: Emotionalism. This is what the lady in the opening illustration was using. She appealed to her child's fear of being alone in a strange place. Tripp even comments on the "kinder" use of this method. For example, when we as parents say, "It really makes me feel bad when you talk like that. You are hurting my feelings." Sometimes, we may even shame our child into behavior. Maybe we say, "You're letting down your father and hurting his reputation by acting such a way." When we use this method, we're training our children to respond to fear of emotional privation.
#5: Punitive Correction. This is when the threat of punishment is the regular and only way a parent controls his child. The child learns to be afraid or pay the consequences. Tripp reminds us that he is "not decrying a biblical use of the rod, but rather and impulsive response of angry frustration." It surprised me to find "grounding" listed here. Don't most parents ground? What could be wrong with that? The main thing is that issues of the heart are never addressed. Sure, the child may not call his sister a 'such-and-such' again but his heart hasn't changed any. He may still mumble it under his breath. Tripp believes that grounding is so consistently used universally because it's "quick, incisive, simple." For example: "You're grounded for a month. Go to your room." Wow. I never thought about it in these ways.
#6: Erratic Eclecticism. Erratic in that it constantly moves and always changes. Eclectic in that it draws from pieces of a variety of methods. Some ideas were taken from a t.v. show, some from a program, some from the church, some from their parents. This method leaves children confused and unsure of expectations. Now they are really lost.
In evaluating these methods, Tripp once again brings us back to "shepherding a child's heart." We need to reach the sins behind the behavior. If a young boy slaps his sister when she takes his toy, what should we deal with? The slap alone? Of course not. His selfish heart and anger should be addressed. But he's not the only culprit. The sister needs to be addressed for her selfishness as well. We need to get to the root of the behavior. Once the root is addressed (and corrected), the behavior will follow. We have to remember to point our children to Christ. These every day struggles are our most natural avenues to show them who God is, who they are, and why they need Christ.
Wow. I feel like I've written way too much. What are some unbiblical methods you've noticed in your own childrearing? As the mother of a toddler, I can lean towards behavior modification and punitive correction. But even at such a young age, my daughter needs to be hearing the truths of the gospel in preparation for the day she will finally understand them.
In Christ,
Terra
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Later Today or Tomorrow
My Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart will be posted either later today or tomorrow. Today is an incredibly busy day so I'll try my best! Thank you for your patience!!!
Take care,
Terra
Take care,
Terra
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Chapter 6 - Reworking Your Goals
Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart
Last week we discussed unbiblical goals for our children. Now we'll discuss our goals in light of glorifying God and enjoying Him forever - the chief end of man.
When do social skills go wrong? When then are used to teach our children to trust in themselves rather than God, they go wrong. When families sacrifice time with one another and worship of God for these activities, it is wrong. Our families should be exercising physically to keep our bodies in the condition God meant for them to be in. We just need to be sure that God-glorifying lessons are being taught as a result and the children are growing spiritually as a result.
When does psychological adjustment go wrong? When it goes against Scripture. Tripp uses the example of the child being bullied. Many parents (even Christian ones) will train their children not to start a fight but if one is started, "to end it." Yet Scripture reminds us that God is our justifier, not ourselves. We need to remind our children that "a soft answer turns away wrath." We need to show them how to use hurt to love God and deepen their trust in Him. Does this mean our children should not tell the proper authority of such physical abuse? Of course not!
When does getting our children saved go wrong? When looking for a major spiritual salvation event becomes our goal - that's when. Our children need to be spiritually nurtured. We need to be constantly and consistently pointing them to the Lord. They need to see their need of Christ's work on the cross and well as their need to repent of their sin and trust in Christ. It is about a lifestyle, not just a moment.
When does family worship go wrong? It fails when it is used as the end and not a means to an end. It is about knowing God, not checking off another thing on the "Christian Disciplines" list. Tripp suggests a daily reading of verses in Proverbs. He also suggests acting out Bible stories and making them come alive for our children.
When do well-behaved children go wrong? When manners (for example) are not linked to a biblical vision but only social manipulation, it is wrong. Tripp uses the example of saying "please" and "thank you." We should be teaching our children these things are right because they are rooted in the biblical truth of looking out for the interests of others above ourselves.
Lastly, when is good eduction wrong? Tripp says that grades are unimportant. Wow. What a revolution for even myself. I was always obsessed with my grades, not just in high school but through college and even my Master's degree. And yet who cares what my grades were now? does God? No. What is important is that our children learn to do their work (to the best of their abilities) diligently for God. He has promised to reward the faithful.
In the end Tripp deals with the question, "what if my children are not believers?" He says he'll come back to that in a later chapter but reminds us that God calls all people to the same standards. Some rebel but the standard is the same. By continuing to point to God's word, we're pointing our children to Christ. Our over-arching objective in parenting should be teaching our children to live for the glory of God. Life is only found in knowing and serving the true and living God. What a great chapter!
In Christ,
Terra
Last week we discussed unbiblical goals for our children. Now we'll discuss our goals in light of glorifying God and enjoying Him forever - the chief end of man.
When do social skills go wrong? When then are used to teach our children to trust in themselves rather than God, they go wrong. When families sacrifice time with one another and worship of God for these activities, it is wrong. Our families should be exercising physically to keep our bodies in the condition God meant for them to be in. We just need to be sure that God-glorifying lessons are being taught as a result and the children are growing spiritually as a result.
When does psychological adjustment go wrong? When it goes against Scripture. Tripp uses the example of the child being bullied. Many parents (even Christian ones) will train their children not to start a fight but if one is started, "to end it." Yet Scripture reminds us that God is our justifier, not ourselves. We need to remind our children that "a soft answer turns away wrath." We need to show them how to use hurt to love God and deepen their trust in Him. Does this mean our children should not tell the proper authority of such physical abuse? Of course not!
When does getting our children saved go wrong? When looking for a major spiritual salvation event becomes our goal - that's when. Our children need to be spiritually nurtured. We need to be constantly and consistently pointing them to the Lord. They need to see their need of Christ's work on the cross and well as their need to repent of their sin and trust in Christ. It is about a lifestyle, not just a moment.
When does family worship go wrong? It fails when it is used as the end and not a means to an end. It is about knowing God, not checking off another thing on the "Christian Disciplines" list. Tripp suggests a daily reading of verses in Proverbs. He also suggests acting out Bible stories and making them come alive for our children.
When do well-behaved children go wrong? When manners (for example) are not linked to a biblical vision but only social manipulation, it is wrong. Tripp uses the example of saying "please" and "thank you." We should be teaching our children these things are right because they are rooted in the biblical truth of looking out for the interests of others above ourselves.
Lastly, when is good eduction wrong? Tripp says that grades are unimportant. Wow. What a revolution for even myself. I was always obsessed with my grades, not just in high school but through college and even my Master's degree. And yet who cares what my grades were now? does God? No. What is important is that our children learn to do their work (to the best of their abilities) diligently for God. He has promised to reward the faithful.
In the end Tripp deals with the question, "what if my children are not believers?" He says he'll come back to that in a later chapter but reminds us that God calls all people to the same standards. Some rebel but the standard is the same. By continuing to point to God's word, we're pointing our children to Christ. Our over-arching objective in parenting should be teaching our children to live for the glory of God. Life is only found in knowing and serving the true and living God. What a great chapter!
In Christ,
Terra
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Saturday's Oops
How do you like that for a title?
Well, I've been out of town since Wednesday and completely forgot to read and prepare the blog for Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart! I'll be sure to get back up to speed and I'll have the chapter up next Saturday. Please forgive me for my lack of preparation!
Thank you for grace,
Terra
Well, I've been out of town since Wednesday and completely forgot to read and prepare the blog for Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart! I'll be sure to get back up to speed and I'll have the chapter up next Saturday. Please forgive me for my lack of preparation!
Thank you for grace,
Terra
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Chapter 4 - You're in Charge
Saturday's Shepherding a Child's Heart
"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." - Eph 6:4 (ESV)
Before I even get started with this post, I want to make a general comment on the topic of the chapter. There are many different parenting philosophies in our culture today. Some are biblical, most are not. Without passing any immediate judgment on the topic of this chapter I ask you to do two things: read the entire thing with as little bias as possible and then study what the Bible itself tells you about the topic. Do we have a deal? Great! I'll move on.
Not only did I start this post with a disclaimer, in a sense, the author, Paul Tripp, does the same. Our culture does not like authority - plain and simple. We want to do whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want, regardless of whether or not anyone says we shouldn't. But we should desire to have a biblical understanding of authority, not a wordly understanding. Tripp mentions several questions to think about (p.29):
- What is the nature of the parent's authority over a child?
- Are we in charge because we are not sinners and they are?
- Do we have the right to tell our kids to do anything we want them to do?
A Christian parent is called to be in charge. But what kind of "in charge" and why? God has given us the authority to act on His behalf over our children. I love Tripp's comment, "You may not try to shape the lives of your children as pleases you, but as pleases Him." Deuteronomy 6 underscores the view of parental responsibility. Also, quoted in the opening of this blog, Ephesians 6 commands us to provide the training and instruction of the Lord on God's behalf. If we do allow unholy anger to "muddy the process" we are in the wrong.
So what exactly are we expecting of our children? We are expecting obedience. Why? Because God says we must. As Tripp mentions, "there is tremendous freedom here for a parent. When you direct, correct or discipline, you are not acting out of your own will; you are acting on behalf of God." God has given us a duty and we must follow through.
In addition to the simple fact that God has commanded us, it is important to establish that the parent is in charge for other good reasons. When the younger child continues to go against his parent and be his own decision maker on all occasions, by the time he is elementary aged, he is his own boss. By the time he is a teenager, he's out of control. Tripp also dealt specifically with a common argument against this. He says, "Some may argue, 'Children only learn to be decision makers as parents allow them to make decisions. We want children to learn to make sound decisions.' This misses the most important issue. Children will be good decision makers as they observe faithful parents modeling and instructing wise direction and decision making on their behalf."
Tripp does not stop there. He continues to go against the grain of our culture. Parenting is not just a call to "providing care." Not that we should not be doing that. However, we are called by God to train and shepherd our children (towards Him) at all times and not just when it's convenient for us. Here are a few points Tripp suggests:
- We must have clear objectives for our children. What do you expect of your children specifically?
- We must have humility in our task. When we wrong our children or express anger towards them, we must ask them for forgiveness. Not only is this God's standard, it's teaching them forgiveness in a very real way. You are not perfect and you will sin against your child - be prepared.
- We must have no place for anger. "...for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires." - James 1:20 (ESV)
- We should remember that requiring obedience benefits the child. "Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence." -Prov 15:32 (ESV)
In the end, Tripp summarizes this way:
- Discipline: Corrective, Not Punitive
- Discipline: An Expression of Love (see Prov. 3:12, 13:24, Heb. 12, Rev. 3:19 to name a few)
This chapter was an encouragement and a conviction to me as a parent. When we're lax in our discipline, we're disobeying the Lord. And yet the call is to lead our children in a way that shows love and points them to Christ. Wow. What a calling! Praise God for His grace and patience with us along the way!
In Christ,
Terra
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Chapter 3 - Your Child’s Development: Godward Orientation
Saturday's Shepherding A Child's Heart
"Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight."Tedd Tripp begins chapter three by focusing on a child's orientation to the Lord and how he either draws nearer or further away from Him. He reminds us (straight from Scripture) that it is the fear of the Lord that will make one wise and wisdom will determine how the child will respond to correction. I love how clear he was in explaining that "children are worshippers." All children (as well as adults) are worshippers. "Either they worship Jehovah or idols. They are never neutral." I was first made specifically aware of my idolatrous heart about a year ago when I listened to a three part series by C.J. Mahaney called "The Idol Factory." Tripp also does an excellent job explaining this. If we are not worshipping God, we are worshipping something else. That something else is an idol. Let me give a personal example. Often times when I feel the need for a quick little pick-me-up, I inevitably go grab my idol - a Hershey's Dark Chocolate bar. Is chocolate sinful? Not in and of itself. However, if I'm consistently reaching for chocolate instead of reaching for the Lord during times of struggle - then it has become an idol.
-Prov 9:7-10 (ESV)
"The wicked are estranged from the womb; they go astray from birth, speaking lies." -Psalms 58:3 (ESV)
It doesn't take an adult to teach sin. If you've ever seen that sweet little baby throw a tantrum when you take something away from her, you know she's a sinner from birth. Tripp says, "We often are taught that man becomes a sinner when he sins. The Bible teaches that man sins because he is a sinner. Your children are never morally neutral, not even from the womb." Wow.
So now that we are aware that our children's hearts are not neutral, how do we know who or what they will worship? "Part of the parent's task is to shepherd him as a creature who worships, pointing him to the One who alone is worthy of worship." says Tripp. This is the issue that separates Tripp's book from most parenting books. Though we need to be providing the proper shaping influences (see Ch. 2), we cannot stop there. We need to dig further. Our child's Godward orientation will determine his response to life. Tripp cautions parents not to think that all of our children's issues are "simply a lack of maturity." What a good word. He gives examples such as selfishness and rebellion. Our children will not grow out of these things as they mature. They will only grow out of them as they rid their hearts of their idols and seek hard after God. We have the great opportunity to lead them in the right direction.
Tripp uses the story of Joseph to close the chapter. Though everything in Joseph's childhood (and even early adulthood) would assume the worst outcome, we see the opposite. Joseph was surrounded by negative shaping influences. However, his Godward orientation was strong and he became a great man of God.
Though I felt like the chapter was a little repetitive, it was still both encouraging and convicting. I have a great task ahead of me and I need the Lord's grace. I need to be pointing my daughter to the Lord on a daily basis - even now.
How have you helped shape your child's Godward orientation today?
In Christ,
Terra
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Chapter 2 - Your Child’s Development: Shaping Influences
Saturday's Shepherding (a Child's Heart)
A young girl grows up in a small town but has no small story to tell. She is the oldest of multiple children and helps raise them while her mother works two jobs. See, her mother is in between marriages, not for the first nor the last time and has to support her family financially. Conflicts are “resolved” by yelling and slamming things. There has been a great deal of heartache and mistrust in this girl’s life. In addition, her family has already lived in about ten different places before she’s a teenager and little does she know, there will be twice as many moves before she graduates high school. Her family is made up of “Christmas and Easter” Christians, meaning those are the only two times of the year they attend church or act like Christians. The young girl thrives on achievement and success. She tries to do the best she can possibly do at everything and is praised for her results. Yet when she fails or reaches the point of exhaustion, she quickly becomes depressed. Oh…and did I mention, this is just a small sampling of issues in this girl’s life?
The things that this girl experienced growing up are what Tedd Tripp calls "Shaping Influences." These are "those events and circumstances in a child's developmental years that prove to be catalysts for making him the person he is. But the shaping is not automatic; the ways he responds to these events and circumstances determine the effect they have upon him."
The girl in the story above had many shaping influences. Tripp suggests six main categories: structure of family life, family values, family roles, family response to failure, family history, and family conflict resolution. Let's say the girl in the story above is now an adult. What do you think her life will look like? Will she pattern her family's mistakes? Where will she seek her refuge: drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships? What will she think of men? More importantly, what will she think of God?
Tripp goes on to explain two mistakes made in interacting with the shaping influences of life. One type of person will be in denial that the child is affected by these experiences. The other type of person will assume that the girl's circumstances will determine her behavior. Yet neither of these responses is accurate!
As Tripp reminds us, many Christian parents will adopt a "Christian determinism." They believe that if they just protect their kids enough and teach them all the right things, they'll "turn out okay." Given, these things will assist in leading our children in the right direction. However, they will not necessarily lead to a child who "turns out okay." Haven't you met plenty of adults who grew up as these types of children and are far from where you'd expect? Tripp explains that our children will respond according to "the Godward focus" of their lives. Though we, as parents, are responsible for teaching our children the right things, our children are responsible for the way they respond to our parenting.
The girl in the above story is near and dear to me. By God's grace, she did not end up along the path that she could have. She went on to pursue a great deal of schooling and in the process, was introduced to Jesus Christ as her Savior. She married a wonderful Christian man and now has her own family, a polar opposite picture of what she once knew. She tries to be active in her church and family life. Yet she is not without sin and knows that she is not perfect. The difference is that she knows the only true Reconciler and seeks to live a life pleasing to Him. When she fails, she has forgiveness and a new start. Praise God our shaping influences AREN'T deterministic!
In Christ,
Terra Santos
Friday, March 14, 2008
Getting to the Heart of Behavior, Chapter 1
Saturday's Shepherding (a Child's Heart)
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” – Proverbs 4:23
“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” – Luke 6:45, my italics
Scripture speaks clearly on the issues of the heart. These truths apply to children and adults alike. As Tedd Tripp begins chapter one of Shepherding a Child’s Heart, he reminds us, “What your children say and do is a reflection of what is in their hearts.”
If Scripture is so clear, where do we get tangled up? In behavior. Tripp states, “Your child’s needs are far more profound than his aberrant behavior.” Why? Because behavior is not the heart issue – it is simply the outflow. Even more boldly, Tripp says, “A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemnable.” Wow! Such harsh words! And yet…so true! In Matthew 15, Jesus condemned the Pharisees for their hypocritical hearts. In the same way, a child that outwardly behaves yet inwardly disobeys is still sinning before the parent and more importantly before God!
Tripp says, “You must require proper behavior. God’s law demands that. You cannot, however, be satisfied to leave the matter there. You must understand, and help your child to understand, how his straying heart has resulted in wrong behavior.” He uses the example of two children fighting over a toy. We usually respond “Who had it first?” All the while, we neglect the fact that both children are sinning. The are both being selfish and preferring themselves before the other. We need to see past the “who had it first” and address both children and their individual sins.
But we don’t stop with sin. Tripp reminds us, “your concern is to unmask your child’s sin, helping him to understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed. That leads to the cross of Christ….It provides opportunities to show the glories of God, who sent His Son to change hearts and free people enslaved to sin.”
How marvelous! We have the opportunity to begin pointing our children to forgiveness in Christ at such an early age! Chapter one reminds us that we must learn to work from behavior back to the heart. “You must learn to engage them, not just reprove them,” says Tripp.
At the end of the chapter, Tripp reminds us that we are to go to Scripture for answers regarding childrearing. He says, “For too long the church has tried to integrate biblical and nonbiblical thought forms to answer the questions of parent. The resulting synthesis has produced bitter fruit.” I very much agree with this statement. While we can get helpful advice on practical parenting tips, we must not follow advice that is directly contradictory to what Scripture teaches us. We must see parenting advice in light of Scripture.
A lot of things to think about in just one chapter! I look forward to working through more in the future. What one bit of truth can you apply from what you’ve learned to one bit of your life today?
In Christ,
Terra Santos
P.S. If you're interested in following along, I will be summarizing and reviewing weekly, Tedd Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart. It can be purchased at most any bookstore.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” – Proverbs 4:23
“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” – Luke 6:45, my italics
Scripture speaks clearly on the issues of the heart. These truths apply to children and adults alike. As Tedd Tripp begins chapter one of Shepherding a Child’s Heart, he reminds us, “What your children say and do is a reflection of what is in their hearts.”
If Scripture is so clear, where do we get tangled up? In behavior. Tripp states, “Your child’s needs are far more profound than his aberrant behavior.” Why? Because behavior is not the heart issue – it is simply the outflow. Even more boldly, Tripp says, “A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemnable.” Wow! Such harsh words! And yet…so true! In Matthew 15, Jesus condemned the Pharisees for their hypocritical hearts. In the same way, a child that outwardly behaves yet inwardly disobeys is still sinning before the parent and more importantly before God!
Tripp says, “You must require proper behavior. God’s law demands that. You cannot, however, be satisfied to leave the matter there. You must understand, and help your child to understand, how his straying heart has resulted in wrong behavior.” He uses the example of two children fighting over a toy. We usually respond “Who had it first?” All the while, we neglect the fact that both children are sinning. The are both being selfish and preferring themselves before the other. We need to see past the “who had it first” and address both children and their individual sins.
But we don’t stop with sin. Tripp reminds us, “your concern is to unmask your child’s sin, helping him to understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed. That leads to the cross of Christ….It provides opportunities to show the glories of God, who sent His Son to change hearts and free people enslaved to sin.”
How marvelous! We have the opportunity to begin pointing our children to forgiveness in Christ at such an early age! Chapter one reminds us that we must learn to work from behavior back to the heart. “You must learn to engage them, not just reprove them,” says Tripp.
At the end of the chapter, Tripp reminds us that we are to go to Scripture for answers regarding childrearing. He says, “For too long the church has tried to integrate biblical and nonbiblical thought forms to answer the questions of parent. The resulting synthesis has produced bitter fruit.” I very much agree with this statement. While we can get helpful advice on practical parenting tips, we must not follow advice that is directly contradictory to what Scripture teaches us. We must see parenting advice in light of Scripture.
A lot of things to think about in just one chapter! I look forward to working through more in the future. What one bit of truth can you apply from what you’ve learned to one bit of your life today?
In Christ,
Terra Santos
P.S. If you're interested in following along, I will be summarizing and reviewing weekly, Tedd Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart. It can be purchased at most any bookstore.
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