Thursday, January 30, 2014

Week 4/5ish: Surprise Blessings

Surprise blessings have a tendency to bring sweet emotions.  If I'm assuming I will receive a gift from someone, I'm usually excited.  However, if I receive a sudden, unexpected gift, not only is it exciting, but it also brings a sweet joy.  After all, I wasn't expecting anything and now I'm a little taken away but the giver's thoughtfulness.  Funny how I often even tend to be more grateful (internally and externally) for those surprises.
 
This morning*, I received one of those surprise gifts.  As I write this, I'm still incredibly shocked (in a good way).  After our recent miscarriage, I was unsure of where I was in my monthly cycle.  The last few nights, I'd noticed that I looked quite bloated by the evenings and thought that was odd.  But considering we've recently made some dietary adjustments, I didn't think too much.  Friday night, I noticed I haphazardly placed my hand on my stomach the way I do when I'm pregnant (which I never do otherwise).  I thought, maybe I should take a test, just considering I don't know where I'm at in my cycle and to rule that option out.  To my incredible surprise, it was almost instantaneously positive!
 
Having so recently lost a pregnancy always brings some anxiety to a new one.  However, I'm laying it all at the feet of Jesus knowing that my life and this little life are in His hands.  He knows what's best for me, this baby and our family.  For whatever reason, He decided to give us this surprise gift this morning and we celebrate with expectation and pray you will celebrate with us as well!**
 
Until next time...
Terra
 
*This post was written 1/26/14 and posted at a later date.
**Because of the situation, I'm not entirely sure of my EDD.  My best guess is that I'm due around the 1st of October.  As of this post, that'd put me between 5-6wks currently.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand

I sit in a bit of disbelief right now.  It's Christmas Day 2013*.  For the most part, it's been a good day.  We've had fun with the kids this morning opening gifts, lazing around the house, enjoying one another's company and we'll be enjoying good food for dinner tonight.  And yet, a piece of my heart is broken.  I'm quite certain I've just experienced another miscarriage.
 
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
 
When I finished nursing Daniel, I waited in anticipation to see what the Lord may or may not bring in terms of our family size.  My first cycle was a bit later than usual but eventually it came and went.  The next time I was expectant, it was seven days late.  That is very atypical for me and my regular 28 day rhythm.  However, I assumed my body was still adjusting, post-nursing.  Now, nine days later, for other physical reasons I will not detail, I believe I was indeed pregnant.
 
When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
 
Having suffered this loss before (see here and here), I'm reminded - yet again - that I am NOT in control of either my fertility or even my ability to carry a child full term.  My heart is sad, my spirit wanes, and as is usual, I wonder "why?" 
 
His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.
 
This Christmas day, I dwell on the Christ-child.  A baby... yes... as a baby He came.  My last miscarriage happened the day after Easter 2008.  And now Christmas.  And yet, by His grace, I'm able to view all of life from those vantage points.  His birth, death and resurrection make all suffering part of a bigger picture - His picture.
 
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
 
Until that final day...
 
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.**

Take care,
Terra

*This post was written 3 days before it was posted, hence the date discrepancy.
 
**Lyrics from "The Solid Rock" by Edward Mote, c.1834, copyright Public Domain. 

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Extravagant Grace: God's Glory Displayed in Our Weakness


After overhearing a friend's high recommendation of the book, I recently picked up a copy of Barbara Duguid's Extravagant Grace. Within the first ten minutes of reading, I was floored by her openness to the reality of her own sinfulness. In the book, Barbara does not feel the need to validate herself. Instead, she spends the entire book explaining how the Gospel is made all the more beautiful because of our inability to achieve a sinless life.
 
Have you ever wondered why there are some sins in your life that you just can't seem to overcome no matter how much you've prayed, tried, confessed, and so forth? I know I have. If God's purpose in sanctification is to make us “better and better” day by day, doesn't it seem like we're miserably failing? Or maybe He's not doing His job well enough? Barbara uses the writings and theology of John Newton to explain how God uses our failures and weaknesses to point to His glory. A few of my favorite quotes from the book:

“Newton argues that this greater goal is the fashioning of humble and contrite hearts in God's chosen people as, through their ongoing weakness and sin, they come to trust in themselves less and less and to trust and delight in Christ more and more.”

“God chose to leave us significantly deformed and imperfect after our conversion because he values something more than our sinlessness.”

“God is capable, when he pleases and for his own purposes, of giving me the grace to stand and resist temptation. But often he chooses instead, for his own good purposes, to show me grace through my falls, humbling me and teaching me my desperate need of him.”

Of brothers and sisters in Christ, who should not be surprised by our sin, we should hear: “'Of course you sinned... Come with me to the throne of grace to celebrate the love of your Savior and to find help in your time of need.'”

"What if being reminded that you don't have to change to win God's favor unleashes such joy and sense of safety in your soul that changing becomes the thing you desire most, simply out of gratitude for such overwhelming acceptance and love?"

"....God seldom frees us from besetting sin before showing us how deeply inability is rooted in our souls. If this work were cooperative, with me and Jesus working together, then at the end of the performance there would be two people on stage taking the bow. However, understanding my inability leads me to a far different posture. I am not on stage next to Jesus, taking a bow. Instead, I am flat on my face in the dust, with my hand on my foolish mouth, worshiping at the feet of my beautiful Savior whose power and grace has rescued me."

The first few chapters of the book explain different maturity levels of believers. I'd never thought of her distinctions and found the comments fascinating. She then spends a few chapters breaking down an understanding of human depravity and where God's grace fits in the bigger picture. She uses many scriptural references to back her points but not in a dry, lifeless way. She pointed me to an immeasurably great and glorious God. Her writings have driven me to my knees in both tears and prayer. I've been given a greater understanding of my own heart so that I may grow in my patience with the sins of others. She finishes the book by giving the “joyful implications of amazing grace,” which include advantages of remaining sin. Yes, you read that right – and I won't give the spoilers here.
 
This book rocked me to my core. It made me consider things in a way I've never given much thought to before. If you've ever struggled with sin, if you've ever been on the suffering side of the sins of others, if you feel dry in your relationship with the Lord, you need to read this book. For that matter, if you have a fervent desire to grow as a believer or even an apathetic attitude towards the Christian life and are ready for a change, read and be blessed.
 
Take care,
Terra