Thursday, July 12, 2007

East to West

I sit awake tonight, wondering why I can’t sleep. It’s past 11 and I have a 7 week old baby – I should be tired, right? Why am I not? As I listened to a new song by Casting Crowns, I think I know why. Here are the lyrics:

       East to West
       By Casting Crowns

       Here I am Lord and I’m drowning, in Your sea of forgetfulness
       The chains of yesterday surround me, I yearn for peace and rest
       I don’t want to end up where You found me
       And it echoes in my mind
       Keeps me awake tonight
       I know you’ve cast my sin as far as the East is from the West
       And I stand before You now as though I’ve never sinned
       But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
       From You leaving me this way

       Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west
       ‘Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
       Rising up in me again
       In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
       ‘Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
       From one scarred hand to the other

       I start the day, the war begins
       Endless reminding of my sin
       And time and time again
       Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
       Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
       from You leaving me this way

       I know You’ve washed me white
       Turn my darkness into life
       I need Your peace to get me through
       To get me through this night
       I can’t live by what I feel
       About the truth Your word reveals
       I’m not holding on to You
       But You’re holding on to me
       You’re holding on to me

Tonight some of the sins of my past crept into my mind. I’m not sure what brought the memories to me. Well, actually – I am sure – it was Satan. He always tries to remind us of how unworthy we are by resurfacing the sins of our pasts. Tonight, I let him get to me. My problem is that I’m trying to fight the memories on my own. It won’t work that way. Apart from Christ, I’m exactly the person Satan makes me out to be. However, I “have been crucified with Christ. It is not longer I who lives but Christ who lives in me.” “By grace [I] have been saved by faith, not a result of works so that [I] may not boast.” Jesus Christ has washed me white as snow. This song is so perfect for this night. Each word rings truer then I could have penned. I want to know how far the east is from the west because that’s how much Christ loves me. As the song says, the length is “one scarred hand to another.” Jesus Christ died for each and every one of the sins of my past, present and future. I must rest in Him and Him alone this evening. Praise God for His mercy and grace!

I pray this post encourages others who may be struggling in the same way.

Take care,

1 comment:

Tess said...

This song is constantly ringing in my head lately. I woke up singing this song, so I googled it and came across your blog...
Lately I have had so much on my plate and I feel so overwhelmed and too weak to finish the race. It sounds so much easier to simply give up. While the place that I am in life is actually a blessing from God, I have turned it into a burden in my mind by trying to do it in my own strength. I look at my past and, instead of trusting God's love, strength and grace, I fear that my future will also be full of pain. Perhaps that is why every time I get in the car lately and I am upset, this song comes on the radio and I hear God speaking to my heart. He really DOES love us so much that He gave up his Son for us so that we could stand before him, perfect. When he looks at us, he sees his son. Because of this, we have the amazing gift of having a personal, intimate relationship with Him.
Thank you for posting your blog... It encourages me that I am not alone, and that we really need to turn our eyes to him, and trust that he does not see our mistakes. He loves us and will hold our hand through everything life brings us. "We can do all things through Him who gives us strength." Speaking of which, it's time I stop procrastinating and get started on this work he's given me. I hope you have a beautiful day and I pray that you feel his arms of love wrapped around you!!