Wednesday, August 26, 2015

I'm always right. No really, I am.

"You couldn't ever argue with her because she was always right.  Always.  And the sad thing is that most of the time she was."

These are the words my mom used to describe me growing up just a few years ago.  And they are spot on, just ask my siblings.  Ever since I was a small child (the oldest of three), I've had a passion and knowledge for the truth.  I'm a true research nerd in just about every sense of the word.  Books and the internet are some of my closest friends.  I LOVE to read and yet 99% of my reading is non-fiction.  It's almost like I have a personal quest in life to have all the answers - the right ones.  When there is a flaw in something, I'm quick to notice and point it out.  I would've made an amazing copy-editor with a little education in the area.  With age and maturity, I've often learned to keep silent on such issues but definitely not all of the time.  After all, if something is truth, shouldn't the truth be made known?  That's a rhetorical question by the way.  If you're familiar with the enneagram, I'm a die-hard 1 with a lot of 6 and 3 mixed in.  It doesn't get any more black and white than that.

This has affected my life in countless ways, both good and bad.

Relationships: I have a tendency to place "rightness" over the relationship itself with family, friends, children and even my spouse. 
Education: Science, Logic and Math were my favorite subjects.  After all, there is generally one right answer. 
Budgeting: Though there isn't always one right way to come establish a budget, once it's established, I'm golden. 
Health/Exercise/Wellness/Dietary Restrictions: This is a tricky one as there are always two sides of the pendulum and then the happy medium.  Our family has been plagued with health issues and so I've been on that quest for the specific reasons why.  One resource will blame a food/habit while another praises it's benefits. 
Religion: I'm a Christian who has certainly struggled at times with thinking my ways of doing things or beliefs about non-essential topics are without flaw. I do think there is ultimate, unarguable truth here but not over every. single. last. open-handed issue.
Parenting/Schooling: I've run the gamut of parenting philosophies and homeschooling methods.  It's always been tempting to think that whichever method I'm using at the time is the only right one.  Yet God chose to bless me with five very different children who've crushed many of those assumptions.  I've learned that some things work well in certain seasons, with certain personalities and even then, not always consistently. Oh how I've been judgmental in these areas!
Decision-making: I can become absolutely paralyzed if I don't have "all the information" first.  And the difficult thing is there is always more information and always a limited amount of time and resources.

So.  Where does all of this land me?  Increasingly dependent on the grace of God alone.  Am I always right?  Absolutely not!  What happens to my spirit and my soul when I'm not?  I've learned that life is FULL of gray and things are not always as black and white as I wish they were.  Do I get crushed and fall under the weight of my supposed failure?  Should I trample on my relationships to have the last, right word?  When I am right, can I be so without gloating, having to prove a point, or pushing people away?

"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before the fall." - Proverbs 16:18, ESV

My hope...
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.'" - Lamentations 3:23, ESV
Until next time...

Take care,

1 comment:

Linda S. said...

Knowing the way I know you, this my friend is a very sweet read. ( yes the punctuation is wrong) ha ha! I Love you!!!